We are all born with a soul. It’s what makes us who we are. But it seems that for some, the older we get, and the more of life experiences that occur, we can be disconnected from that soul somewhere along the way. I know for me personally I got to the point when I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize who was looking back. I mean I recognized the facial features but the more I looked into my hazel eyes the more I just saw pain, anger and resentment. I nolonger saw love, vibrancy or joy. I had lost that.
The situations that have caused us pain can become buried within which slowly over time can start to cover the liveliness of the soul. The pain, anger, resentments, and hatred weigh us down. The light from deep within may start to shine through and then the choice is made to dive in and start digging or to keep it the same and continue to shove more dirt on top.
I personally remember the time in my life I had to make that decision for myself. I was overwhelmed, my marriage was failing, I was stuck in my business and I felt so disconnected to everyone including myself. I knew within my soul if I wanted to continue to move forward, repair my marriage and have a family unit I needed to draw the line in the sand and dig in. It was time to discover who I was again and my first stop was the mirror.
The mirror was the hardest thing for me to look at. The reflection coming back was not a pretty sight. It was not something I wanted to face. I knew of all the things that “happened to me” to create the feelings I had. But I also knew the more I kept holding on to the belief that everything was all about what was ‘happening to me’ and ‘why me’, I would never be able to break free. I literally had to take some deep breaths look myself in the eye and own my own shit. Take ownership of how I had participated and how I had played a huge part in what was my current reality. The finger that had been pointing to everyone and everything else slowly started to turn towards me.
In that moment, through the pain and realization that my current situation was hugely because of me, I released a power within that I previously didn’t realize existed. If I created it then I can be the one to change it.
Coming to that discovery was half the battle. But releasing and dealing with the pain and anger was the hard part. I was angry at everyone! Literally everyone it seemed. My husband didn’t do this or say that. My dad, oh so much was there it would take all day to go over that one, my mom, my brothers, my business, and so much anger towards myself. But before I could really start to dig into everyone else I needed to start with me. I needed to rediscover the amazingness of who I was and what I had to bring to the world. My strengths and start to fall in love again with me.
Talking myself up was never a strong suit for me. Saying something good vs bad was something new and I had to deal and acknowledge all the icky feelings around it. See I had to work to change my perception. I had to go from only noticing and acknowledging everything bad, to actually allow myself to see the good. Now, these good things did they just magically appear? Of course not, they were there all along but I had to make the conscious choice to allow myself to actually see them. I started with writing down my strengths. I also started to acknowledge my strengths and characteristics every evening in my journal and to complete that journal I ended the evening with gratitude.
The more I was able to fall in love with me the more I started to actually take care of myself and the lighter and more nourished my soul became. I would go for walks in nature, take long baths, allow myself to get massages, meditate or give myself time to just get lost in a book. I finally accepted that I needed to start showing myself the love and appreciation I deserved. Now, falling in love with yourself is full spectrum. Meaning loving someone fully is loving all pieces of them. The dark qualities of me didn’t disappear, they still have their place and are still needed but in general I become lighter and brighter from the love I was giving to all sides of me. The separation I felt within became cohesive. I started to feel whole.
We all start our journey back into ourselves somewhere. We all have our own steps and journey to the feeling of wholeness but no matter the journey or path to get there, it all starts with love for the whole and complete amazingness of who you are.
