Conversation
Honest Conversations
I used to fear these type of talks. I would avoid them. I honestly didn’t really want to know what was truly occurring for someone else, especially my partner. Where that fear was coming from was because I would get so defensive about what they were telling me. I would take it on and turn it into some meaning about who I am. I would make myself feel like such a horrible person and it would cause me to freak out, yell, cry or scream.
So instead of that I just avoided really talking at all costs to prevent me from feeling that way.
Now where did that get me? Very surface level relationships and very boring surface level conversations. I didn’t want that and especially didn’t want that with my relationship. I wanted deep, real and open communication.
Tonight I realised my fear had shifted. I no longer play that game and I no longer avoid conversations that used to cause me to lose my shit.
My husband had a deep dive coaching session today. For those of you that have ever done anything like that, your stuff comes up! Lots of it comes up. You become very aware of it and need to express it. Well stuff came up for him. Things that I have triggered in him. Things that I have made him feel. All things I previously would have avoided wanting to know or ever been willing to actually listen too.
But I did listen this time. I allowed him the space to express what he was experiencing and what he was noticing. What did I do?….I didn’t lose it.
Now what changed? I realised his shit is his. He has the choice to play into it or not. He needs to be the cause of his experiences and point of view and I can’t take on his stuff as my own.
What I can do is listen. Acknowledge his feelings. Be aware of what he is experiencing or has experienced and just love him.
It was lovely to change this pattern. To have these hard conversations and still feel light in my heart. To be able to just hear him vs freaking out and to walk away still knowing the truth of who I am and feeling ever more confident in us.
