Communicating Your Needs Is Not Hard With These Simple Tips
Effectively communicating your needs and desires to your partner in life and business, or any other person you need to speak with, is much more simplified than you are led to believe. I used to avoid conversations that were deeper and mattered because I feared the reaction. So, I would hold in what I really wanted or needed to express until I would just lose it and explode. Let’s just say, this rarely ended in good results in multiple relationships in my life.
The exploding often carried lots of pain and resentment but really the only person I should have resented was myself for not speaking up. Well, that all changed when I learned these tips and started to communicate about everything. Literally everything.
Let me break it down into steps for you. Once you communicate in this way it will become second nature for you because… it works!
Step 1.
Is it the right time, place and appropriate environment?
The car and long road trips generally are not the ideal time or place for deep conversations. There is nowhere to escape if it goes south plus the person driving needs to pay attention to the road thus they can’t make eye contact and makes their body language trickier to read. I always ask now before I start talking and hubby does the same. It’s a simple ask “Is this a good time to talk?” And the cool thing is when this is your container you can always say “yes, no or later I am free.” Just because they ask doesn’t mean you have to drop everything to talk and vice versa.
Step 2
Set up the conversation with a good thing. Bring in the positive. This will lower the guard and make them more settled to have the conversation. Without this step, it may just feel like an attack and when I personally feel attacked I attack back. Usually, that doesn’t make for a clear and deep conversation. “I love it when you do”, “you know what is amazing about you”, “us”, “this relationship, friendship, etc.”, “ I really enjoy it when you do…” are some examples to help you to get going on the positive note
Step 3
Clearly express what you are wanting, needing or desiring and why you need it. The biggest emphasis on the WHY. Why do you need it? You may need to sit with that for a moment to gain clarity prior to your conversation but when you know why and can speak to that why then it means something on a deeper scale.
For example, I used to get super annoyed if I would ask for the trash to be taken out and not be done. Why did that matter so much to me? It wasn’t because of the overflow, smell or anything like that. It mattered to me because for me trash being taken out helped me to feel cared for. Now, you may find that silly but deep within that was the meaning for me. When I expressed that then it was no longer just trash being taken out it was now an act of service (my love language) in which I felt cared for and that hubby could 100% understand.
Step 4
Now they know the why the next step is to give crystal clear action steps. When I ask for the trash to go out can it be done within the next 8 hours, please? Clear, defined and it’s an action. If you are desiring a date night then what is the clear action steps: pick a day, time, location, how often, etc…
The clearer the better. Then no one is left wondering or guessing. When things are vague then it leaves a lot of room for interpretation which may not end well.
Step 5
Now it’s their turn to talk and for you to be receptive. This is the time for you to take in what they have to say and feel around the discussion. This is a very important step and one that took a lot of time in my relationship to master but once I allowed him the space to speak what he needed to say and I was receptive and not triggered then he learned to fully trust this new way of communicating. Plus, it allowed him to feel safer speaking his needs too.
I am curious if you find this helpful? Is it something you already do or feel would shift things within your relationships?
Message me and let me know.
Oh, if you would like to hear me talk about this then check out my live from this week.
And if you feel you have trouble speaking your needs then grab my energy activation audio because that will help you to use your life force energy to move stagnant energy from the throat and strengthen your voice.
