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Stop trying to fix me!
I am not broken. I do not need you to fix me. The prince coming to rescue the princess is what we are all made to believe, but what I do need is to be heard. Listen to me. Hear what I am saying. Feel how life is impacting me and be able to “be” with me as I communicate what I need to say.
Communication is the key to healthy relationships, right? But there is much more to communication than what is spoken. It’s been stated that 93{5b5c8818b45788ec0393187cda3473631c9bfc58af53ac8c7658cd11646902a3} of communication is nonverbal so why is it when I need to actually discuss something with someone they automatically jump to verbal communication? If 93{5b5c8818b45788ec0393187cda3473631c9bfc58af53ac8c7658cd11646902a3} of communication is nonverbal, then have we just forgotten the skill of being able to listen? To be able to just express most of what’s needed through the nonverbal side of communication? Are we unable to actually sit with someone and give then the space to actually describe what is happening in their world?
Disconnection with those we love and those we have relationships with happens when we stop communicating. Is the decision to stop real honest communication from personal beliefs, or is it the result of others trying to fix us? What does 'trying to be fixed' even mean?
It may look like this: I tell me partner that I feel stressed out because I just moved to a new country and I don’t have any friends. I feel alone and I miss my family. What I am desiring is just to be heard and for him to understand how I am feeling since moving. What happens when he is trying to fix it is perhaps he starts scheduling a time for friends to visit and finding a way to make new friends. Even though this response comes from a place of love and care, I do not actually feel heard. I feel like how I am feeling is not ok and needs to be fixed. What if I stated the same thing to my partner and the response was "I hear you and what you're expressing to me, and what you are feeling. What are some ideas you are thinking about to help with these needs?"
We often forget that we really do know what we need to do. We hold the key. Why do we forget that? Because it is hidden behind the feelings either unexpressed or expressed but it's tried to 'be fixed'. But if listened to then we can maintain our own power and feel supported by the one listening. Listening is such an important skill, and one that personally I have had work on. Why didn’t they teach listening skills in school? If listening was emphasized from early on maybe we would be better listeners. But even if listening we are still left with another area that needs to be discussed which is being able to allow the other person to express their emotions. I don’t know why we developed such a tough, almost emotionless culture, where it’s hard to deal with when someone is expressing anything with emotion behind it. Maybe it’s because a lot of us hide from our own emotions? Or maybe we are just modelling what we were taught? I even catch myself now with my kids shhhing them when they are shedding some tears, but remember they don’t need to be told to be quiet - they need me to just be there with love.
Right now think of something that is occurring that you would just love to talk about. Something you may be feeling? Something you may be trying to hide to avoid possible conflict or frustration? Close your eyes and imagine being able to say all that you need to say and just be heard and not fixed.
Now, I am not referring the conversations where all you want to say is the “you” word. You know the “you” word. "You did this." "You didn’t do that etc..." It’s not the blame game of expression but the “I” game. "I am feeling like this." "I have this going on." "I feel sad." "Or I wish we lived closer to family."
Expressing what the “I” wishes to say. How would that impact the relationship if you were able to freely communicate in that manner? Would it bring you closer? Would it increase the understanding of the other person?
Maybe you are reading this and thinking you are the “you” person when going into conversations. Man I totally do that. I will tell you what, that was me! I was the “you” person. Everything was my husband’s fault. I was feeling the way I was because he did or didn’t do something. In that dynamic he never wanted to discuss anything because he knew it would be bad. Our communication was horrible and we were not going to or connecting on any deep level. I felt like we were just surviving. The tough shift was turning that finger back to me and actually learning to express what “I” was feeling.
Or are you the one who needs to fix things? My mother used to be the chronic fixer. You would talk to her about something and she would try to find a way to fix it to make it feel better. I am not going to lie I relied on that a lot. I knew she would fix it or make it better. But as I grew and stepped into my own power I didn’t want her to fix me or the situation. I just wanted my mother's love and support and for her to actually know what I was experiencing.
Reflect on where you are with the relationships closest to you. How’s the communication? Where is the breakdown and are you willing to make the adjustments to reinvent your communication dynamic?
Human Connection
As human beings we long for love and connection.
No matter if you are male or female it’s a core need that we all desire. Andy and I have spoken deeply about providing that unconditional love for our kids. For them to know no matter what, and under all circumstances they are loved.
What this picture is to me is a display of showing that unconditional love from father to son. To show my son that it’s ok to fulfil his need for attachment and for his father to be willing to give him the love he’s desiring.
If this was a photo of Andy with our daughter it wouldn’t be a big deal because she’s a girl. She’s “supposed” to get more love. But son’s need it just as much as daughters do. What do we show our sons when we think it’s “to girly” to give hugs and kisses or to seek physical connection? We are showing them that it’s wrong, not good, not ok for boys, or their love is conditional compared to their sibling? If that’s all they know then what is that programming them for when they start their own relationships? What type of love will they be able to give to their spouse? What will showing love and affection to their own kids look like?
Now breaking the conditioning is not easy. I know conditional love. My husband knows conditional love. But for me being a female I remember witnessing the difference in how my parents connected and showed their love to me and how they showed it to my brothers. I hear the past programming in my husband when I suggest my son give his best mate a hug goodbye and he respond with boys don’t hug they shake hands.
But why can’t boys be allowed to show love, affection, empathy like the rest?
I love watching their relationship blossom. Love seeing their connection deepen. I enjoy witnessing the rewriting of the past and the future that emerges from it.
My son is a gentle, loving, empathic, affectionate, happy, and sweet boy. My job as his mother is for him to allow his beautiful gifts of a human being to continue to flourish.
Making health decisions for your family isn't always the easy choice.
Before my daughter was born my husband and I discussed how we would raise her in regards to dietary choices. Just a few months prior to birth I discovered my gluten intolerance and so after doing my research I knew we would keep her gluten free. But what about birthday parties? What about sweet treats? My husband would ask me. Why can’t we allow her to do what “normal” kids do?
Why is it assumed “normal” for kids to eat candy, junk food, processed sugar and food colouring? Well because that’s what we both were brought up on so it must have been ok then right? I used to drink more soda then water, eat more processed food then fresh and what I had because of it was health concerns, mood disorders and autoimmune disease.
The more I learned the more I knew I didn’t want that for my daughter. So my husband and I came to the decision we would avoid those “normal” kid treats or discover healthy alternatives.
So when we were told about this place while visiting Kauai we had to go. Organic, food dye free shaved ice!! Yes! I have not had a shaved ice in who knows how long and this was a first for my kids. Have they seen others eat them before yes of course but they never got to experience it because those were all packed full of numerous food dyes which my kids know we avoid cause they are bad for their brains.
Did they enjoy it? Yes! Did they finish that huge bowl? No way. Maybe half way and they were done.
Is it the easy route when junk food, candy and food dye filled treats are so easily accessible? No of course not. I have to tell them no and why they can’t have things all the time. It’s not that I don’t want them to not enjoy these fun treats every now and then but I do want to empower them with healthier choices. For them to learn why I have made the choices I have so when they get older they can make the choices for themselves.
Why self-education is so important — for you and your family.
Many people suddenly become aware of lifestyle choices when an impacting experience occurs. For me, I woke up to how I was treating my body when I became pregnant with my daughter. I knew that what I chose to do would not only affect me but also her. That’s when I started to look deeper into chemicals, personal care products, food, gut health etc… For me addressing the tangible things was easy: Remove this and use this instead. Buy these organic products and take these supplements. But when I had to start looking at the ‘why’ for things, that is when my life really started to change.
I went gluten free in the middle of my pregnancy after being diagnosed with an auto-immune disease. Making this choice was not an easy one. The common thing I hear from others, and was telling myself (because I was resisting the truth) is — “I have been eating gluten my whole life and have been fine.” But, was I?? The more I dug into how wheat was possibly impacting my health the more I woke up to it, I realised, I was not ‘ok’!
Gluten and the affects it had on my gut had really been wreaking havoc with me for a long time. I was unaware of the correlation between my sensitivity to gluten and the chronic headaches, up and down spouts of depression, insomnia, low energy, acne, poor immune system, ulcers, digestive issues and muscle / joint aches that I dealt with on and off my entire life. The book that literally educated me and woke me up was The Gluten Effect: How ‘innocent’ wheat is ruining your health. That book allowed me to see how the choice of eating gluten was and will continue to affect my health. So, I went gluten free. It’s funny how easy it was for me to go from resistance to acceptance once I had the knowledge and understanding.
Yes, I thought I would never be able to eat bread ever again. Oh and cake — forget it. Man I love my pasta. How was I going to survive this?! Once I stopped the pity party I was able to see all the things I still could eat and learned tips like toasting the gluten-free bread. Would I cheat every now and then and eat something that has gluten in it? Yep, and you know what? After a couple times of intentionally doing it I felt like crap, so now it’s not even worth it to eat gluten products.
As my daughter got older then I had to decide if I was going to allow her to eat gluten. I knew a part of my sensitivity was genetic. Knowing now how much it impacted my health for 26 years, I wasn’t going to risk it. I decided to keep her gluten-free as well. This decision was not easily accepted by family members. They knew my struggles with my health and could understand my choice, but why would I need to keep my daughter off of gluten too? A gluten sensitivity was confirmed for me after she broke out into a bad diaper rash after being fed bread from a grandparent. That showed me that I was doing the right thing by keeping gluten out of her diet.
Without knowing the facts it’s hard to make a decision. We walk blind a lot of the time when it comes to our health. It’s hard to make a choice to make a huge lifestyle change when you haven’t done the research. I often wonder whether my health growing up would have been significantly better if my mom had had the tools to look at possible dietary reasons for physical symptoms. How would my life have been different? But the truth is she didn’t and not one doctor ever talked about dietary issues or sensitivities. I am grateful for my struggles with my health because it has lead me to where I am today. But what I desire for my kids is for them to experience the least amount of preventable struggles. For them to be empowered with knowledge about why we choose to live the lifestyle we do. And for them to be in tune to their own bodies so that they know and can distinguish when something they eat makes them feel horrible.
Wow. How impactful would it be for our kids to grow to be empowered with natural wellness, tuned into their bodies, and educated around holistic lifestyles so they can make their own educated decisions?
Holistic Living — Getting Started
You hear ‘holistic living’, ‘holistic lifestyle’, ‘holistic health’, ‘holistic doctor’, ‘holistic dentist’ a lot now, and it seems anything else can be termed holistic these days, right? True story — about 10 years ago when I applied to nursing school and discovered the nursing school I was applying for was a holistic program I had to look up the actual definition of holistic. I honestly didn’t know what holistic even meant. So, in case you are like me, here is the definition per webster:
“Relating to or concerned with wholes or with complete systems rather than with the analysis of, treatment of, or dissection into parts.”
So basically it’s about the whole picture. Looking at everything vs just one component; focusing on the whole picture rather then just individual parts. In terms of living a holistic lifestyle then, we need to look around and see all the things that may be influencing our health.
I know what you’re thinking — you just got really overwhelmed even thinking about it. You’re thinking, ‘Look around? That means the clothes I am wearing, the air I am breathing, the food I am eating, the product on my face and the water I am drinking may all be impacting my health?! Ah, how does one battle all of these things?’
Right now, I want you to take a deep breath. Ok, now I want you to let go of the overwhelm because we live in a chemical-filled environment and there is only so much we can actually control. So your journey towards a holistic lifestyle is your journey. And the journey consists of just one day and one thing at a time, and is unique to you. The key words are ‘journey’ and ‘unique’ in that sentence.
Let’s dive into the areas of one’s life that most people focus on when starting out on a holistic lifestyle path. Chemicals I think would be number one. Oh that list is huge. We are exposed to chemicals consistently. Our environment is so chemically rich that they have found more than 200 chemicals in the placentas of new born babies. So foetuses are being introduced to chemicals prior to birth.
I am not telling you this to make you live in a bubble, but merely for you to recognize that chemicals are everywhere and as much as we try to get rid of them we truly wouldn’t be able to completely. But we can absolutely limit them and replacing one household cleaning product, one personal care product, and plastic container at a time can start you on the path of reduction.
‘Reduction’ is the name of the game when it comes to chemical exposure. I highly suggest starting with just one area. For me the cleaning cabinet was the easiest because I could just throw it all away. DIY cleaners were the easiest to make. Seriously, if you don’t already have doTERRA essential oils in your home they are a must for cleaners.
I can’t talk about reducing chemicals without mentioning organic produce. Look up the dirty dozens. Take a screen shot of the list and save to your phone. Start with those. They are the produce that has high chemical content, so start with those as organic, and then you can work up from there.
Here’s a link to an article you can read giving you a detailed list: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-17624/12-fruits-veggies-with-the-most-pesticides-2015-dirty-dozen.html
Health would be the next big topic when it comes to holistic living.
Now the topic of health we can talk for an entire week about because there are so many amazing modalities and ways to help manage your health holistically. When I think of holistic health I think of empowerment. When I made the switch to looking and treating my health in a holistic manner I felt like I gained the power back in regards to my health.
Essential oils, nutritional supplementation, herbs and homeopathic’s is what we have turned to in our home since making the shift years ago. In this shift, I have really tuned into my body. I’ve listened to it and tuned into my kids needs as well. It’s like I gained my intuition back and learned to listen to my body again. Now, with the million modalities where does one get started? Honestly, I think essential oils are a perfect gateway. They are safe, effective and easy to learn and use. I start there with most people and build on the knowledge based off the needs and the readiness of the person. Again every journey is unique. My biggest encouragement to you is to just get started. Be prepared and stock up your tool kit once your get started, because you will want to be prepared for anything that comes your way.
Your body.
How can we not mention the body yet? Well we did in term of health and living more a holistic lifestyle, but we haven’t talked about the body as a whole. This amazing body. Really have you stopped and thought about the incredibleness of body? The way your blood is pumped out of your heart and flows through your arteries and veins. What about the entire process that occurs when you take a bite of a sandwich from start to finish? I have been fascinated with it for so long and that’s probably a key factor to my decision to became a nurse. It really needs to be appreciated. When was the last time you actually said ‘thank you’ to your body. It is constantly working and I am so grateful for a healthy body. How can we show our gratitude? How about by taking care of it? Allowing it to move, feeding it good food, caring for all pieces of it and loving all that it does for you. What if we all started appreciating our body more? Recognized its needs and nourished it, and got curious about how that would impact you.
Let’s move onto the next step of holistic lifestyle. Your mind.
Our mind is a powerful thing. On my journey I was feeling good health-wise and I was feeling confident with reducing chemical exposure. I was feeling in control of my health but I was still negative and resentful. My mind was out of balance with where I wanted to go and the life I wanted to live.
Remember holistic living is the whole and completeness. I was not whole I was avoiding the mind cause I didn’t recognize how it was impacting me as a whole. And that is when my love for personal development started. I started reading, which I hadn’t done really since college, I started listening to podcasts and talks on Youtube and I started to implement what I was learning. Created a gratitude journal and got to work. It was time to bring my mind into the holistic lifestyle.
Spirituality for a holistic lifestyle?
Yes absolutely. I believe we are all spiritual beings no matter what your faith. And this part of us needs nourishment and acknowledgment too. In this connection to your spirituality, something bigger then yourself, is where I discovered much within me. With that connection I felt connected to a meaning and a purpose. This connection may look different for everyone. You may like to go to church, pray at home or meditate. The practice of connection to your spirituality is very personal and individualized. However that looks to you is perfect, but neglecting this piece can create a disconnect to self and feeling whole.
Holistic living is one step at a time and long-term journey. I often think of it as just the road I have decided to take. I don’t know how long the road goes or what turns or stops I have ahead but I just keep trucking along the path. I’m learning more as I go along.
Which one of these segments spoke to you the most? Start there. Welcome to the holistic lifestyle.
Daddy Issues Be Gone
I am sure I am not the only one that has had “daddy issues”. It took me years to even see the relationship between how the world was occurring to me, my relationship with my husband and even my relationship with myself and the Daddy issues I had buried deep, pretending they didn’t exist. We have all had experiences in our lives that, if we allow them to, can create a disconnect for someone that we love. I yearned for a healthy, loving and connected relationship with my father, I just didn’t know where to start or what to do. I knew it started with me so I set out to reinvent the relationship with my dad and create change by letting go. Here is how I was able to reinvent my relationship.
For as long as I can remember I absolutely loved my dad. Like, worshipped him. He was the coolest thing and I always wanted to just be around him. When my dad decided to leave my mom, pain, anger, fear and sadness blocked those feelings. I felt wrong to see my dad in the same light I did before because of the turmoil that was unfolding in my household. But deep down I still did want to be around him and I loved him. I just didn’t know what life looked like anymore. So I pushed him away and he accepted.
The one man I loved so deeply was no longer in my life in the same way. I felt a void inside and so I did what I could to fill it. Boys, drugs, distractions. I envied my friends who had great relationships with their dads. Someday I hoped that I could have a relationship like that with my dad but to even go there I knew I would have to swim through the pain and anger. I knew I had to somehow get all of that out of the way if there was even a possibility of creating the relationship I desired.
Our relationship was rocky. We would sweep things under the rug and pretend everything was ok till the next blow up and then we wouldn’t talk for years at a time, sometimes. Then one would eventual reach out and then the cycle would continue. The cycle of pain, disappointment, and anger. A cycle I didn’t want to live in anymore. I wanted it to change and for us, to truly break free and create a relationship built on unconditional love and trust. After years of setting this as a vision for us I am pleased to say we have finally gotten there.
How, you may be asking? Well I am going to give you some steps to help you overcome your “daddy issues” and step forward towards a new relationship if you desire it. These tools are helpful with any relationship you currently feel disconnected with.
The first step…. own your part in the matter. Own up to your contribution to the current state of your relationship. Personally I didn’t know how to feel when my parents divorced. It pained me to see my mom in pain. I was confused by the talk and the bad mouthing. I didn’t know what to do so I felt I had to choose a side. I built the wall with my dad and men in general to avoid the pain. I chose to avoid the possibility of getting hurt so I avoided a real relationship with him. I had to own up to my part instead of just blaming him. It’s easy to point the finger at others but turning the mirror to ourselves isn’t so easy.
Let go of expectations. Geez I had so many expectations of how he was supposed to show up as a father. Expectations that were never even communicated with him. How could he even live up to that? He didn’t have a fair chance. So when I let go of how I was expecting him to show up I was able to see how he was actually showing up. Simply things like noticing he filled up my glass of wine without me even asking, calling just to say hello and no agenda, or sending me articles because he wants to empower me with a topic. I saw that those gestures are his way of showing his love and affection. I was blinded by those things because they didn’t fit into the box I was ‘expecting’. How amazing is it to let go of expectations of others and just see them for them underneath?
Let go of the resentments. I know it’s not easy to let go. Pain runs deep. I get that. I had 15 plus years of it. But the relationship I truly wanted with my dad depended on this. How was I to have an open, honest, loving relationship with him if I was holding onto past resentments? So I grabbed a paper and a pen and started to write. I wrote it all. Got it all out. The pain the anger, the hurt, the sadness just got it all out. And allowed myself acceptance and forgiveness to come through. That’s the key with these types of things — acceptance and forgiveness. Otherwise it’s just an angry mess. So my advice to you is to keep writing until you get to that place. The pain that is released during the process is hard to feel but if you come to that place of acceptance and forgiveness then you truly feel lighter and freer at the end of it.
Being open and honest. This was a hard one. Probably the toughest but I finally needed to let him into what I was holding back for so long. I had never given him the opportunity to get to know the real me. I was afraid of what we would think or feared he wouldn’t love me so I held the real me back. I had to shift the fear aside and just let him into how the world was occurring for me. I told him I didn’t need him to try to fix anything but just to listen. I also needed to finally express how I felt when we left my mom. Again, I didn’t need him to apologize or fix anything but I just needed to express it to him so I am no longer holding that back. He listened and acknowledged me and finally I was able to completely move on.
The most beautiful part is our commitment and agreement. We made a stand for our relationship. What it was is that no matter what we will be able to talk to each other. We can bring any concerns we have to the other in person and speak about them openly and honestly and we will listen to the other person. We will always have unconditional love for each other. Just being in agreement with each other on this allowed me to feel safe in our relationship.
Healing this relationship and literally reinventing it shifted so much inside me. I felt freer, kinder, more open and, honestly, more whole. Like the void was no longer missing. Love and respect for one another that used to seem conditional shifted to unconditional. Together we reinvented our relationship.
Healing the heart is what is needed. Please share this if it resonates with you. Time to be free and to reinvent those relationships, if you so desire.
Being a Mom Doesn’t Mean Losing your Identity
It’s ok to be who you are and be a mom. It’s ok to be sexy and a mom. It’s ok to live your raw truth and still be a mom.
7 years ago when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter so much changed. I was no longer just responsible for myself. I changed what I ate, what I used on my skin and changed how I thought I needed to be. I now needed to be mom. Making the adjustments for health I am grateful for, but losing ‘me’ as an individual was hard. It took me years to realise that I can be me and mom at the same time.
For years after becoming a mom it felt like I was having an identity crisis. I felt lost, confused, scared, trapped and alone. I loved being a mom but hated the box I put myself into based on what I thought others moms would think. Or what society thought.
I broke out of that box and stood up for myself in a huge way! I started to be proud of my sexuality. Proud of being a women. I started to own my sexuality. And as a mom of a beautiful daughter I want her to own hers too.
This journey hasn’t been easy. On top of just the ‘mom’ box I have had to break though my own internal struggles with my sexuality. I used to fight so hard against it. I didn’t want to think of myself as a sexual being. Oh the attention, the looks, the anxiety that would come with that… But we are all sexual beings. We often forget that we came from sex. So why do we try so hard to block that side of ourselves?
I believe it’s because we have been taught to pretend it doesn’t exist. We have been taught to hide our instinctive biological parts of ourselves. Because they are ‘bad’, ‘naughty’ or ‘dirty’. Well who wants to think of themselves as bad, naughty or dirty? I sure didn’t. But that is what is put on us, especially women, and it’s simply not the truth.
I personally blocked my sexuality from myself also because I have had personal experiences sexual assault. So if hide from myself, my own sexuality then I would be safe right? What that lead to was me being powerless and my negative experience had the power. It stripped a huge part of me. A part that makes me a women.
So as I post this today I am making a stand for freedom and empowerment. To lift other women up. To help you — for you to own all of who you are. Mom or not. To break the mould to be you. Own all of you. And this is me. Finally being free.
Share this. Pass this along. Let’s unite and stand for women owning all of who they are and be proud of it. Let’s teach our daughters to be proud of themselves and show them how by being the example.
Honest Conversations
I used to fear these type of talks. I would avoid them. I honestly didn’t really want to know what was truly occurring for someone else, especially my partner. Where that fear was coming from was because I would get so defensive about what they were telling me. I would take it on and turn it into some meaning about who I am. I would make myself feel like such a horrible person and it would cause me to freak out, yell, cry or scream.
So instead of that I just avoided really talking at all costs to prevent me from feeling that way.
Now where did that get me? Very surface level relationships and very boring surface level conversations. I didn’t want that and especially didn’t want that with my relationship. I wanted deep, real and open communication.
Tonight I realised my fear had shifted. I no longer play that game and I no longer avoid conversations that used to cause me to lose my shit.
My husband had a deep dive coaching session today. For those of you that have ever done anything like that, your stuff comes up! Lots of it comes up. You become very aware of it and need to express it. Well stuff came up for him. Things that I have triggered in him. Things that I have made him feel. All things I previously would have avoided wanting to know or ever been willing to actually listen too.
But I did listen this time. I allowed him the space to express what he was experiencing and what he was noticing. What did I do?….I didn’t lose it.
Now what changed? I realised his shit is his. He has the choice to play into it or not. He needs to be the cause of his experiences and point of view and I can’t take on his stuff as my own.
What I can do is listen. Acknowledge his feelings. Be aware of what he is experiencing or has experienced and just love him.
It was lovely to change this pattern. To have these hard conversations and still feel light in my heart. To be able to just hear him vs freaking out and to walk away still knowing the truth of who I am and feeling ever more confident in us.
Is it possible to create the life you desire?
‘Desire’ is the key word in that question? Something is missing, not working or a feeling of being unfulfilled is lingering for you to want to desire more. Great! That’s the first step!
I desired so much more then working 12 hour night shifts at the hospital. I was tired all the time, the job was stressful, the shifts were long, my feet were sore and when I worked I didn’t do anything but eat and sleep for those 3 days. I would have to make sure I had enough paid time off if I wanted a holiday and would have to put in a request hoping they would approve it. Now I know this sounds like most jobs but for me deep in my core I desired more!
So when an injury changed my path as I was deciding what to do next I asked myself what was missing? What would give me more? Maybe something that could make a bigger contribution to the world? What about bigger impact on myself and my family? So if you are already asking yourself these type of questions then you are opening yourself up to the hidden life you have been desiring. If you are not there yet then my invitation to you is to start there.
The answers will flow into my other steps to setting you up to create the life you desire……
Create your vision.
When you have a clear picture of what that desired life looks like then you can create a vision. A vision that pulls you. A vision that you wake up to make happen and go to bed dreaming of each night. A knowing of why you are working your tail off make that vision a reality. Write it down. If you are an artist then draw it or paint it but get the vision from out of your head to in front of you. Have it so crisp and clear that it feels like it has already happened.
Believe!
Know that you can do it. Understand you will face obstacles and the obstacles are part of the game. The game of creating the life you desire. The game is fun at times and hell at others but all of it is part of the game. You are the player in the game so the choice is yours to gather the tools needed to play, get the players, put on the uniform and show up.
Find the path.
What path will you take to get there? Something has to change for your current situation to change. So what’s going to change? Are you going to become an entrepreneur? Start a new company? Buy a business? Buy a franchise? Or partner with a network marketing company? I am a huge fan of network marketing companies as you can become an entrepreneur with very little startup cost and you learn how to run a business as the business grows. That’s the path I choose in my journey to creating the life I desired. No matter what path you choose creating the life you desire will take work.
Be consistent.
Continue to do things each day that will bring you one step closer to the life you desire. Show up each day to do something. Acknowledge all of the big and small milestones along the way.
Know your strengths.
What are you good great at? Use those strengths as they are your asset and they were given to you for a reason. You are unlike anyone else so don’t try to be anyone else. Be you and be proud of that.
The three P’s
Persistent, passionate and patience.
Be persistent — Never let anyone or anything push you off your vision. Stay focused on the vision.
Passionate — you will draw people into you.
Be patient — Creating the life you desire takes time, energy, focus and perseverance.
Anyone can make the choice to go after the life they desire. Making the choice to make a stand for change and make a stand to go after what’s missing. The choice leads into actions which lead into your vision becoming a reality.
Connect me with on Twitter, Facebook or Linkedin. Tell me about the life you desire — I would love to hear your story.
Intimacy
I am not referring to the physical in-the-bedroom type of intimacy, even though that is great, but the emotional kind. The deep connection with another. Where you truly know who the other is. Know their dreams, desires and what’s hidden underneath. I want to chat with you about how I came to a deeper level intimately with my husband.
After being together for nearly 10 years I was surprised that there were still things we were hiding from each other. In our defense, we were not doing it intentionally, but you know when you walk into a room and you can just smell something rotten? You may not be able to see it but you sure can smell it? That was us. We could just smell it. We needed to lift the lid to discover where that stench was coming from. Find out what it was and where it was hiding.
The lid was lifted big time when I participated in a deep dive personal expansion journey. Things came up that I could no longer hide. Parts of me that I wanted to keep tucked away for one reason or another were surfacing. Funny how the thing that matters the most comes up when you decide to dive in. What mattered most was having a true intimate relationship with my husband. A relationship that inspires other relationships and not just because it looks good on social media but really because it is. Now this wasn’t just going to magically happen because I wanted it to — I had to get to work. Our future depended on it. Enough was enough! Time to get to work and expand “us”.
So, task one was getting really honest. Not honest in “you are not doing this, you are not doing that, why don’t you do this, why don’t you say that,” kind of way. I was owning up to my cause in the matter of where our relationship was and not putting blame on him for anything. What I needed to be really honest about was what I was hiding underneath. I needed to lift the vail, to reveal the parts that I was hiding that I thought to be the not-so-good pieces of me. To truly let him in and see me. All of me. The good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly, the pain, the anger, the bitchiness, the sassy and the sexy parts of who I am.
If you are the one wanting to grow a deeper more intimate connection with your partner let them know.
Now, the key was communication. I literally communicated about everything. So much talking went on that sometimes I wanted to just hide and not talk to anyone for days. But you know what was amazing was it was just talking. Expression of what I had always wanted to tell him or talk to him about but shyed away from. And these were not light conversations. These conversations were deep, raw, rough and full of love and acknowledgement for each other. It opened up space within us individually. Opened space with each other which allowed us to become intimate on a whole new level.
What are you holding back from your partner? Do you feel that real deep imitate connection with them outside of the bedroom as well as inside the bedroom? Are you ready to up your intimacy? Here are my tips for you:
First, if you are the one wanting to grow a deeper more intimate connection with your partner let them know. Tell them. Bring them into your vision for your relationship. What does that relationship look like? Paint the picture for them of why you want to work at building an intimate connection with them. My husband and I came together and made a stand for a relationship of love, connection, trust and adventure. We did this not only for each other but also for our kids. What stand are you going to make for yours?
Eye gaze. Sit with your partner chairs facing each other, knees touching and gaze into each other’s eyes for at least five mins. This exercise was so hard for me the first time I did it. They say eyes are the window to the soul and when doing this exercise you really do feel that soul connection.
Express what has been hiding. Key is to come from a place of you owning the cause in the matter and not from a place of blame or resentment. If you have resentment let go of it prior to having these open expression conversations. Write a letter with no intention of giving it to the person and release and forgive. After that you will have a much cleaner energetic space to have those deep expression conversations.
Get an acknowledgment journal. Write down things you want to be acknowledged for and your partner does the same and exchange. Have your partner read yours to you and you to your partners. Make this a habit and a date each week. You will be amazed and not only how amazing it feels to give and receive acknowledgments but also how it opens up communication with the both of you.
If you are the one wanting to grow a deeper more intimate connection with your partner let them know. Tell them. Bring them into your vision for your relationship. What is that relationship? My husband and I came together and made a stand for a relationship of love, connection, trust and adventure.
As a women I have always desired a real, connected, loving relationship. Movies, books and fairy tales lead me to believe it would just be that way if I was with the “right” person. But I now see that story and I know the facts. If I want that real, intimate and loving relationship then it takes work. Sometimes the work is freaking hard. But what comes from the hard work makes the sweat to get there desirable.
Please share this story if it resonates with you. You never know who it might help x
