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Body Positive - Honour & Nourish What Is

Enough with the self-hate. Honour and nourish what is

In one way or another, we have all dealt with body image. Women are consistently comparing themselves to others and are made to believe that they are not good enough. Men may also face similar feelings with regards to their bodies.

It’s time to flip the perspective and protect ourselves from what is being thrown at us.  Let’s love what is and meet the body with compassion, coming into a state of fluidity between the mind and the body, instead of the mind vs the body.

I want to explore 4 areas that we can dive into a conversation around to see how we can adjust the perspective.

1. Filtering social conditioning and add some protection from the media messages. Can we choose to take on the social messages being thrown at us every day or can we choose to filter and protect? I choose to filter and protect. As a young girl, I wanted to be a model. The beauty and glamour, plus the travel while making money always perked my interest. Flipping through magazines I would compare, try to look like or edit myself to become what I saw vs just seeing it for what it is….beauty in an artistic expression. When I started to protect myself from the idea that I had to be like them to ‘I am me’ and ‘they are them’, I realised we are all beautiful in uniqueness. This is when the artistic expression through the lens, makeup artist, hair stylist and model shined through.
2. Redefine your definition of beauty. What is your current definition of beauty? Firm body, clear skin, beautiful hair? Is it very specific? How can you start to broaden your definition? Can you broaden it the slightest amount today? Then expand it even further next month? Can this be a game of redefining beauty continuously? Explore that J
3. What are you focusing on? Assets? Imperfections? You may all know the saying ‘where the focus goes the energy flows’. So why spend so much time focusing there? Compliment the areas you love and enjoy. Flow some good energy into yourself with that kind of love.
4. Respect and honour the functionality and the uniqueness of your body. I am curious how you would feel if the next time you thought negatively about your ass you stopped, took a step back and looked at it in a completely different perspective, seeing the uniqueness and functionality of it instead? I am grateful for the cushion my ass provides otherwise it would hurt to even sit here to write this blog. Would that make you smile and bring some love to the area of your body that was being told something else just a moment before?

Looking through a different lens opens up the opportunity to see things from a different angle. Become mindful of your thoughts. Stop and connect into your body. What gratitude can you show to your body for the uniqueness and functions it provides?

And lastly, I will leave you with this… We are not separate from our bodies. It is not just a head that thinks attached to a body that does. Our bodies are profound and intelligent. Our bodies communicate to us all the time. Are you listening?

by Missy Garcia

Why I Stopped Doing Time Outs

Man, the kids are acting up! Fighting, biting, screaming something has to give because I can’t consistently be the referee and I need to hear myself think. So time out! Go sit in your room. Or stand in the corner and think about what you did. That’s the most peaceful way to go about it, right? When I was a kid it could have been a spanking or being grounded for a week, so a quick time out is a step up. But what is a time out actually teaching our kids?

I know in our adult mind if someone told us to go sit and think about what we did we would play the record over and over again thinking of ways to make it better, or talking about how bad a person we are for doing 'x' thing. But the kid before the age of seven hasn’t even developed the part do their brain that’s responsible for reasoning, being able to use words vs acting out or making meaning to the vast amount of information they are exposed to. So, if our adult reasoning for a time out is to have them consider what they did is not ok, then are they actually connecting the two, or are we sending a different message to them entirely?

Follow me for a moment.  What if we have been taught to send them away so they can reflect and realise why they should be sorry for there behaviour is actually teaching our kids that we only love them when…or they are only a part of the family as long as they don’t do….or you are not an acceptable person with these traits? What if they take the time out as just straight rejection? That they are being rejected based off of their behaviour.

What kind of message are we sending?

When I was first introduced to this perspective my heart dropped into my stomach. The last thing I would ever want my children to feel is conditional love and rejection, especially coming from their mother. Now, it’s no secret that the world we live in today is not how it was 100, 300, or 1000 years ago. Things have changed drastically and so have we as a society. But what is still deeply imbedded in our human brain is tribal heritage. Everyone had a role within the tribe. Everyone worked together for the better good, safety and survival of the tribe. If someone was banished or rejected from that tribe for whatever reason it was most likely a death sentence as there goes the safety and security. That was the ultimate punishment in those times. Fast forward to modern times. Those in prison what’s their ultimate punishment... Isolation! As human being we need human contact and these forms of rejection strip that away. And buried deep down rejection equals death. Also, a lot of us choose to do or not do something simply based on the fear of being rejected. I don’t want to voice my opinion because possible rejection could crush me, or even in some cultures, currently voicing an opinion that does not mesh with how things are can quite possibly lead to death. So, in the same way are time out’s sending the same message to our kids? Are we shaping them to fear rejection from such an early age that by adulthood anything that can lead to rejection as a possibility is avoided?

Of course time outs are not stripping the child from all human contact, throwing them into a dark cell or causing death but could the message we send by doing them be telling them that they do not belong?  You are not welcome in this family like that. Change or ship out. Man how many times did I hear that as a child. Live by my rules or leave. Confirm to what I perceive as ok and acceptable or you do not belong.

If we are unconsciously creating a inner culture around their fear of being rejected by their own family then how can we be setting them up to know they are loved unconditionally. The actions are what will ingrain feelings within.  So is sending them off to their rooms proving to them in action that no matter what, how they respond to a situation or say a bad word that they have unconditional love, support and belong?

Probably by this point you may be thinking - 'well, if they don’t realise how wrong their behaviour was they will eventually do that same behaviour ten fold and go to jail.' Or they may have zero respect for you as a parent because they don’t fear any consequences. Here is my perspective on that.

Everyday they are learning that their actions have consequences. Some of those may go into the good column others on the unpleasant side, but either way they are learning every single day. Most people, and this includes children, are acting out because they are not receiving some time that they desire. Most of the time they act out in a way that is perceived as wrong and this gives them some negative attention, but it’s actual attention. Think of anyone in your life that has been able to love you through the good times and the bad times and through both all that was there was unconditional love and support. Is that the type of person you would want to disrespect or one you want to continue to nourish? But I believe we really need to get down to what is actually occurring for the child to begin with. Are we giving them the opportunity to express how they view the world? Can they tell us things that perhaps might trigger a negative response within us, but we are still able to hear them with love and support.

Acting out is usually linked to something else. Something that is hiding underneath and needs the love, support and a safety-haven for all expression. So, if we remove rejection and have unconditional love and support, do you feel you child would be more or less likely to communicate the hard things later on in life?

The way things are just don't work

The world of corporal punishment, isolation and rejection without communication is not working. Our world needs unconditional love and to create that perspective it needs to start with the most important relationship a child will ever have and that’s with their parents. We need to stop fearing that we may mess them up and just start to love them especially in those times when they seem the least “deserve” it. I know we mean well and as parents are often left feeling like “am I even doing this right” and of course we all just want our child to be accepted by society. But I have come to question what am I possibly stripping from them. Or whether I am enhancing fear to achieve this 'acceptable' behaviour.

Some ideas to do instead of sending them away.

Hold the child, sit with the child, hug the child, get into communication about what may be going on, and what triggered them to react that way. Depending on the age of child some of these suggestions will not work because their brain is not developed in the way to be able to process the consequences of their action. But only way no matter the age is to be able to be with the child during their rough outburst. Maybe they will allow you to hold them, maybe you need to do some deep breathing exercises with them to help them calm down, or maybe you sit next to them during their outburst. Being able to be with them even in their anger or frustration will set the example that no matter what you will be there.

One last thing...

I know one last complaint that may be coming to your brain. But if they are freaking out, yelling etc and I sit and be with this behaviour isn’t that teaching them it’s ok to act like that. That they will get loving attention so won’t they keep doing it? I will leave you with this. If they have loving attention and support will they still need to?

by Missy Garcia

How to make this the best holiday season you've had

The holiday season is upon us. Thanksgiving is the start of the season for my American families. Christmas has it’s own meaning depending on what you believe, but for most people the commonality is a time of connection and togetherness, especially with family, or at least so people hope.

Now, it's no surprise that some family gatherings turn out to be evenings of bitterness, resentfulness and disappointment.

I want to invite you into the possibility of having a holiday full of connection and love instead. Wouldn't that truly touch your heart to just be able to BE with your loved ones this year?

Let's chat about how to put in the work to make that dream a reality.

First thing first. We need to understand deep within that you are in control of your own feelings, reactions, what you take on and actions to improve on an existing relationship. Many people ask me when I help coach them with their relationships "but what about them, I can't control them. So how am I to know that what I change will have any impact on them?" Here is the reality of it. You have zero control over them. You can only control your own thoughts, point of view and reactions.

Take some time to be mindful of others and your reactions. Before the events start to roll in, take some time to write out all the previous grievances that have arisen during the holiday seasons of the past, and reflect on what triggered the upset. What part did you play in that? How can move the conversations this year so to focus on a positive outcome if those issues arise again? By preparing yourself and being mindful of your own influence on the situation you will have tools to be able to handle the situation better.

Release unrealistic expectations. We often put much more pressure on our family members than we do on anyone else in our lives. Why? They are just human like you with their own issues and challenges. Remember that you rarely know what is going on in someone else’s life, and the negativity  that can surface is often evidence of much deeper issues going on under the surface. Reflect on this and be gentle in your judgements of others.

Be a blessing to those around you this year. Look for ways to communicate your love and appreciation to each person in your family. So much of our disappointment comes from feeling unfulfilled from others around us (they don’t listen to us, they are uninterested in what we are doing, they are being selfish etc)… Go the extra mile this year to have no expectation from others, but give back to them above and beyond. Breathing this positivity into the holiday gathering will bring with it a positive vibe that will surprisingly influence everyone around you.

When we live on the defensive, we will always encounter the battle. Set yourself up to actively influence the situation from a positive mindset and a heart full of love. You’ll be surprised at how much of a difference it makes.

by Missy Garcia

The Ripple Effect

The ripple

You never know what ripple you can create.

How big it can get?

How wide it can expand?

That’s the thing with ripples. You can see the initial impact but the further it goes the less you actually see it.

But what needs to happen for you to start your own ripple? Action!

The action can be making a choice and taking action on it, having a conversation, making a stand, saying yes to an opportunity or turning down an unknown path. You may never even really see the ripple starting but years later may look back to see the rippling impact.

We all have the capability to start a ripple that can move through us and onto others. We all have the power to make an impact. Whether you go into it with that intention or not, every choice has the capability to cause a ripple effects. Ripples can evoke courage in others to accept it. See, a ripple once started needs others to keep it going. To keep it going and moving on to continue the impact, another person has to see the ripple, accept it, have courage to continue with it and vision to see the impact it can create for others.

What I am drawn to regarding this phenomenon is the fact that these ripples create impact by doing something that includes you but is bigger than you.

Here’s one thing that has become very clear me to over the last few months. I have seen and accepted many ripples in the past few years. Some that I am very consciously aware of and implemented direct action around and others I am not so consciously aware of. I have also begun to own my piece in it vs stating oh it wasn't anything I did or no big deal. No, I am owning it because in doing so I am accomplishing what I have set out to do......create positive impact for others. See if I don't own my part then how can I really impact others?

Every action we decide to take that may step outside the "expected" zone takes courage. To utilise that courage takes vision and heart. Within that heart is love. My love for others is deep. I want everyone to live a connected, fulfilled, healthy, and empowered life, so I will continue to create, add longevity and fire to ripples that can make the positive impact that is needed today.

What are you going to do next time the ripple reaches you?

by Missy Garcia

4 Ways To Run A Business Without Getting Burnt Out

It is no surprise that there is an exceeding high level of burnt out amongst entrepreneurs and small business owners. The strange concept here is that one of the main things that attracts you to being an entrepreneur or setting up a home-based business in the first place is being the boss –setting your own schedule, not having to answer to anyone, and reaping the profits.

One of the biggest challenges is that there is no ceiling on the quantity of work that you can be doing. The mindset very quickly becomes one of work more, earn more. This is rarely the case.

As soon as the long nights, early mornings and full working weekends become the norm your productivity rapidly slows and you find yourself very quickly resenting the passionate vision you once had.

So how do you run your own business without the constant feeling like you are about to completely lose the plot?

Here’s some ways I have found to help me manage the craziness:

1. Sleep routine

This is a no brainer when it is written down, but seems to be one of the hardest things to stick to. Having a regular time that you go to be and get up helps your body systems stay in tune with what’s going and reduces the level of stress you will experience on a daily basis.

“With regular daily activities, our various body systems are able to prepare for and anticipate events. We naturally become more alert closer to our wake-up time. Our digestive systems become activated in advance of regular meal times in order to more efficiently process food. We start to relax and become sleepy prior to bedtimes. It turns out that these regular daily events serve to anchor our underlying daily rhythms.” SOURCE

2. Time off

Again, a no-brainer right? But let’s be honest, unless someone is nagging you out the door, or you have a pre-arranged social event scheduled, there is always one more email to check, a social media post to publish or bank accounts to reconcile.. Book it in. Make it a non-negotiable in your week. Make sure it is a time you know you can stick to. Even if it is just 4 or 5 hours on a weekend to start with where you leave your phone off, computer hidden, and all discussions about business behind you. 4 -5 hours will give you a taste of how much more refreshed you can feel if you commit regularly. Ideally, at least 1 whole day a week will allow you to reap the full benefits. I find that especially my creativity is sparked after time out.

3. Get help 

For goodness sakes, if you are building an empire, don’t try and conquer it all on your own. Even if it is one simple task that you can give to your partner, or to a family member who is looking for a small amount of income, or even a stay-at-home mum who is just wanting something to get her mind active around sleep times etc. There are so many people out there who are not looking for full time work, and what would taking a 5 hour task out of your week actually do for you and your business??

4. Set yourself boundaries

Work hour boundaries, when you are going to do certain types of work, and how much is actually achievable in one week. Write it all down at the start of the week, and then check it off as you go. Don’t add any more to the list. If you accomplish it all by Friday morning, give yourself the afternoon off.

The reality is, you are your business – especially if you are a small business owner or just starting out. So, if you are laid up for weeks sick because of stress and burn out, your business is going to fall in a heap and you will end up much further behind than if you had decided to take an afternoon off to nurture yourself. Keep this in mind and your business and your health will flourish simultaneously.

by Missy Garcia

5 Favourite Essential Oils for Sleep

Sleep! We all need it and most of us are not getting enough of it. Either we go to bed to late, have trouble falling asleep or wake in the middle of the night, which leaves us groggy, cranky or run down during the day. Essential oils are a tool to help you get the rested sleep you so desperately want and need.

Why is sleep, and enough of it, so important for our mind, body and spirit? Enough good quality sleep helps your mind to stay more focused and enhances the body’s capability to learn. Sleep is needed for the immune system to function at its optimal level, and for more stable moods. Enough sleep can even spur creativity which opens up connect to self.

So how can essential oils help you get the sleep needed for overall health and wellbeing?

Essential oils:

So here are my top 5 oils for sleep.

1. Lavender- Probably the most researched essential oil especially when it comes to sleep. Lavender creates a sense of calm and relaxation. One study showed that lavender increased deep and slow wave sleep and participants felt more vigour the following day. (source)

2. Petitgrain - Want similar benefits to lavender but enjoy an earthier aroma? Then this essential oil is for you. Both lavender and petitgrains' main constituents are linalyl acetate and linalool, which are both known for their relaxing properties. So if floral aromas are not your thing, then grab this one and experience similar benefits but a different aroma.

3. Roman Chamomile- fun fact about roman chamomile….. The Romans used to use it before battles to ease the mind and promote courage. This power house essential oil can have you feeling peaceful with a little sniff. So if you need an oil to clear the mind and promote tranquility before sleep, I would suggest you try out this powerful essential oil.

4. Vetiver- this heavy, musky essential oil packs a punch when it comes to relaxation and sleep. Although the aroma may be quite strong for some people, you can lighten it up by blending it with lavender. Then you get a double punch for relaxation, calming and sleep.

5. Cedarwood- this essential oil aroma has you feeling a sense of calm with one inhalation. You know those lovely cedarwood closets? Well imagine breathing that in and how your mind feels calmer already.

Those are my top five. The fun thing is you get to decide which one or ones work best for you. Lavender blends nicely with all of them. You can even combine two of three of them - it is up to you and what your needs are for the evening.

Now you may be asking 'ok now what do I do with these essential oils'? Here are my suggested uses

1. Get a cool mist diffuser and place it in the bedroom. If you have trouble falling asleep get your diffuser going an hour before bedtime. You don’t need any more than 5 drops of the essential oils in the diffuser. If blending a couple, then a few drops of each. Turn it on and close the door, then when you come back, the room will be filled with the relaxing aroma right when you walk in.

2. Apply to the pillow. You can do this before bed either by making a spritzer or just adding the oils to your hand and then rubbing your pillow. If you have very sensitive skin then this wouldn’t be the best option for you.

3. Apply to the body. Grab some coconut oil (fractionated is my favourite) and add some essential oils to the coconut oil and apply to the bottom of the feet, back of the neck, wrists or have someone apply to the spine. The oils will get into the blood stream and will go to the brain to help calm the mind and body.

Say enough to the tired grouchy days. Start your nighttime essential oil routine today and get the well-rested quality sleep you deserve.

Want to get started with doTERRA essential oils? I would love to chat to you and walk you through the best blends specific to your needs. Send me a message HERE

by admin

Feel the Moment, Acknowledge the Emotions

Every new road will have obstacles and those feelings of ‘new beginning jitters’.

Early this year, I went down the path of becoming an author and will now be a part of a book that is a collaboration with 19 other amazing women called Women Who Inspire. As the book launch is fast approaching, those jitters have gotten intense. See I have never written a book, and I have also never shared such an intimate piece of me with the world, nor felt so vulnerable before.

In just a few days everyone will be able to read my story and see me a piece of me that I hid for 18 years. Even though this is exciting times, I have chosen to tune in to all of the emotions that are swirling around.

Is it normal to feel fear and oh shit moments in such an exciting time? I saw heck yes, it is! See anything outside that box of comfort can create those jittery feelings. But how we perceive those feelings can determine the actions we take.

If we see those feelings as threatening then we can freeze.

But if we see those feeling for what they are as a normal response to stepping outside the comfort zone, and allow them to be acknowledged, then moving through them gets easier. When those feelings go unacknowledged, they continue to play around in the background getting stronger and stronger, and then actions can get halted because the body perceives them as dangerous.

I have a sense of gratitude that my mind is trying to protect me from this new beginning. But I realise that the first few steps down the new path always create the biggest sense of fear.

It’s been a roller coaster ride of emotions as the launch approaches. Tears of joy. Tears of vulnerability. Sense of accomplishment. Self-acknowledgement for taking all the steps necessary to even get to the launch. Plus, gratitude for the opportunity. Among the emotions, I have been aware of allowing myself to be open to whatever this opportunity leads to and letting go of the need to control any part of it. I am on a journey, like all of you, and often steps ahead go unseen at the present time, so letting go and just trusting is all that can be done.

As I am writing this now, I have tears in my eyes. Emotions are a beautiful thing and right now although they are so up and down, I am connected to the power of my emotions. Connected to the joy, pain, and perseverance that has lead me to this moment - right here with a book and a new path opening. These incredible 20 women have come together and selflessly given a piece of themselves to serve the greater good in any way the messages need to be received. This book will make an impact for those who read it. Things will shift, as so much love, determination, care, empowerment and power is in 177 pages.

I have expanded because of this opportunity. This entirely journey from sign on to launch has taught me something new or opened me into knowing myself even more. What is coming after the launch? Only time will tell, but as I am an emotional mess I am open and allowing whatever is next to be seen.

by admin

Pieces of You

Pieces of You

What would it look like and feel like to truly accept all the pieces of ourselves?

Would we all of a sudden feel a shift? Would it feel the same as when completing a puzzle, that kind satisfaction? Or would it just feel peaceful?

At what point in our lives did we come to a place to consider: ‘oh that part that is sassy and bitchy, that’s not ok so I will just tuck that over here and try really hard to hide it. I’ll hope no one ever finds that part of me.’ Was it from other people’s options about who we should be? Or from punishment from parents or authority figures that tried to make sure we knew that we were “naughty” because of our behaviour.

How would it feel to look at those sides of ourselves and start to love on them and allow them to come out from hiding? To truly integrate it back into the whole person and accept that it exists.

I want to invite you into the opportunity to let go of the wrongness we feel around the not-as-socially-accepted parts of ourselves, and to look at it differently to see the beauty in it. It takes courage to see what’s hiding but to be open to all of you creates so much power.

Break the Mould

Here are some things to try which will help you start to bring those pieces together again

Write down and reflect on what aspects of who you are have you felt wrong about?

With each of these reflect on the gifts they served you with. For example, I am a sassy bitch. This serves me at times when I need to stand up for myself or my kids. Served me as a protection when I was fearful.  So I can now be thankful for this side of me because I know I have it when needed.

Who can you communicate your noticing’s with? Can you express what you have uncovered?

Write a love letter to that piece of you. Show it some love and gratitude for all it has done for you.

Hiding can be tiring. Playing a different game in the world vs in the home - that's tiring. The parts we try to hide come out the most with those we are closest too. But why hide? All pieces of us are what make us US. Be proud of who you are and the amazingness you bring to the table.

by Missy Garcia